It is a disturbing but incredible fact that in an age Natural disasters related to climate changeParents can now ask their children more questions about wildfires, tornadoes, extreme heat and hurricanes — and face the prospect of guiding their children through emergencies.
With all the stress families face on a daily basis, discussing and planning for such extreme events often falls by the wayside. “We know from data that many Americans live in the moment, and families have so much on their plate that it’s hard to remember to think about anything in the future,” said Melissa BrymerDirector of the Terrorism and Disaster Program at the UCLA-Duke University National Center for Child Traumatic Stress.
Thinking about the possibility of a natural disaster affecting your family can be overwhelming, so it makes sense that you want to avoid it. But having a plan that takes into account your children’s needs in the event of an extreme weather event is crucial. Even if you don’t live in a part of the country prone to these events, climate-related disasters are hitting everywhere and with greater frequency. Preparation — logically, physically and mentally — is more important than ever.
Experts say discussing the topic needn’t be boring. Rather, it is possible to talk honestly about the potential of climate events while alleviating children’s anxiety and giving them space to discuss their emotions. Despite how stressful it may seem, there are strategies to help your children cope if your family is affected by a natural disaster.
Emphasize preparation before natural disasters
Parents understandably want to protect their children from unpleasant emotions, but don’t try to minimize the possibility of natural disasters, says Carolyn Hickman, is a climate-conscious psychotherapist who focuses on environmental concerns among children and youth. You don’t want to scare your child, but you want him to be prepared in case of an emergency.
Consider the likelihood of certain extreme weather events where you live and give your family age-appropriate guidelines on how to stay safe, says a spokesperson for the American Academy of Pediatrics. David Schoenfeld, director of the National Center for School Crisis and Deprivation. Young children respond well to storytelling, Hickman says, while older children may resist by rolling their eyes. “But you have to be very firm with them and say, ‘Look, I get it. I’m upset. You don’t want to talk about it right now, but we’re going to talk about it sometime this week,'” she says.
You might say to a young child, “We are entering a season where we may get storms that bring a lot of rain and wind. But we will listen to the weather forecast and go to a place where we can be safe if the rain and wind are not as strong.” You can also take this opportunity to explain the idea of a go bag — a backpack with essentials for when you need to empty — and ask them what they can pack in it, like a favorite toy offered by the US Department of Homeland Security Free extreme weather preparedness resources For children and families.
“I don’t think the goal is just to let them know that bad things can happen because that’s just scary. It’s not helpful,” Schonfeld said. “It’s helpful if you can give them practical information about what they can do to reduce risk and keep themselves and the people they care about safe.”
It can be helpful to ask kids, especially those in grade school, what they know about extreme weather events that happen where you live and how they feel about it, Hickman says. “Chances are, they know as much as you do, if not more,” she says, “and kids love to teach their parents.” This can give you a chance to correct any misinformation they’ve read online or heard from friends.
“Feelings come later when you’re safe.”
If they’re ever scared, worried or have questions about a natural disaster, let them know you’re here for them, says the clinical psychologist. Gallant Queensits author Parenting anxious children: Understanding children’s anxiety by age and stage. You’ll want to validate your children’s emotions without bringing them into your own. Avoid statements like “I’m worried about that too” or “You don’t need to be afraid.” Instead, try, “It’s getting too hot at our house so we have to go somewhere else to cool off. I know it’s last minute and I’m not happy about it. We’ll talk about it more in the car.”
“When you tell a kid not to feel their feelings, it’s really counterproductive,” says Galanti.
Reassure your children that they don’t have to take responsibility for keeping the family safe. Remind them that they can relax knowing you’ll tell them when it’s time to take action, says Chandra Ghosh IpenAssociate Director of the Child Trauma Research Program at the University of California, San Francisco and author of Trinka and Sam book series Designed to help families with young children cope with natural disasters.
Reassure your kids and give them a job to do in evacuation
If a natural disaster is imminent, explain to your kids any precautions you’re currently taking, Schoenfeld says. You can say, “There’s a bad storm coming and we’re going to go into the basement for a while because it’s safe there,” or, “We’re tracking this fire. It could hit our area, but we have a plan so we’ll be safe because we’re staying at Grandma’s house.” If so.”
Even if you’re feeling anxious, you’ll want to model effective emotional coping, Schoenfeld says. This means sharing that you have some unpleasant feelings and outlining what you are doing to cope with them. For example, you might mention how the flood made you nervous, but you remember all the steps your family took to stay safe and how you feel more prepared.
For your own mental health and your child’s peace of mind, avoid regular viewing of news or media coverage on TV or online. Choose quality sources of news and read or watch only what you need to be informed about next steps Children are observant and will pick up on their parents’ concerns, even if they don’t understand exactly why they’re upset, Ghosh Eppen says. If you need to take a moment to break down, do it in private. “Because in order to provide that support for our children,” Ghosh Eppen says, “we need to have a place where we can metabolize.”
In case of an evacuation, tell your kids you’re going to a place where you’re sure you’ll be safe, says Ghosh Eppen. Giving kids a chore can be helpful, Hickman says, such as picking up their go bag and a book or putting on their shoes. You can also mention that your family’s role is to get out of the way so emergency responders can do their job. Don’t feel the need to vent your child’s emotions during the height of an emergency, Hickman says: “Feelings come later when you’re safe.”
Should you seek refuge in place, explain why you’re doing so, says Brymer. You can say, “The weather is dangerous so you can’t play outside and we have to sit in the basement until the storm passes,” or, “It’s too hot to go to the park today so we’re going to do some arts and crafts inside where it’s quieter.” Distracting your kids from an ongoing extreme weather event can help pass the time, especially if you’re low on energy, Schoenfeld says. Try singing songs, playing games, building pillow forts or reading books.
Avoid the impulse to pretend it never happened
After a natural disaster, it’s important for parents to pretend it didn’t happen, experts say. You can praise your kids for maturing and playing their part, Hickman says. Be honest with your children if you can’t get home right away and there is going to be a disruption at school. You can say, “We’re going to have to stay here longer than we thought because our house was damaged in the storm, but you’re safe here. We continue to be together as a family.”
Parents should try to facilitate conversations with their children to discuss how they feel about the disaster. Kids can mask how they’re feeling, Hickman says. “You have to ask these questions again and again, because if you do it once and think we’re done — big mistake,” Hickman says. “You have to get back to it.” On the surface, children may appear calm, but are struggling to cope with the incident. Acknowledge that it can be scary and ask them how they feel now. Chances are that if your family is directly affected by an extreme weather event, your children may know another family as well. “We get a secondary trauma, or a vicarious trauma, that makes the conversation necessary again and again,” says Hickman.
“You have to ask these questions again and again, because if you do it once and think we’re done – big mistake.”
Hickman says children are more upset when their routine is disrupted, and parents should acknowledge their child’s emotions. You can lead the conversation by saying, “I’m sorry we’re dealing with all of this. I wonder how you feel about it?”
“You show them how to deal with emotions,” Hickman says. “You didn’t fall to the floor.
Acknowledge any damage to property, too. Resist the urge to tell your kids you can buy more toys, Schoenfeld says, and instead make sure you know how important they were to them. Try reframing a child’s sadness at losing their backyard tree house, for example, as a sign of how much they loved it.
If school is canceled, you can facilitate ways for kids to connect with their friends, Brymer says, by coordinating play dates, FaceTiming with another child’s parent, or creating artwork your child can show their friends again.
common Children may react after a natural disaster Sleep problems, difficulty concentrating and developmental regression, such as bedwetting or thumb sucking. Give your child the grace to calm themselves in the service of healing, says Schoenfeld, but encourage them to move on. “Your goal is to get them back to normal as quickly as possible,” says Galanti. “So what additional support do I need to give my child to get them back to normal?” If your child harms himself or others or continues to have behavioral problems, you should seek the help of a mental health professional.
Next, continue to admit how you’re feeling so your kids know it’s okay to discuss their emotions, Brymer says. However, your child may feel confident and secure that you have kept them safe and may not be affected by natural calamities, says Ghosh Ippen.
Regardless of the extreme weather event or the level of disruption to your family, experts stress the importance of recognition: the event has happened, your child may be scared, that they have lost a routine. Keep the lines of communication open and let children know that they can feel any kind of emotion.
