In this world, there are divorced men (data) and men the most Divorced (derogatory).
Men who marry either divorce or they don’t. Men can also divorce and remarry, or divorce and remarry and divorce again and again as often as their hearts desire. According to Census BureauRoughly 33 percent of straight men who have ever been married have also been divorced, And the older a man gets, the more likely he is to get divorced at some point.
This story first appeared in The Highlight.
Support our journalism today for early access to our digital magazine every month – plus other great member benefits.
But that’s not what people mean when they call a man the most divorced. In describing men in this way, lexicographers have created a critical spectrum for their reflection disappointment, concern, annoyance, upsetAnd often sexual aversion in a certain hypermasculinity shared by the high-profile Divorced boys. Journalist and critic Hunter Harris has a recurring bit “most divorced“Male, named after Kanye West, Elon Musk, Ben Affleck, joe jonas, And Jeff Bezos for example. That’s a difference It’s not about how many times a man’s marriage has broken up, but about the intensity of his resulting aura and how he presents himself.
An example: Kasturi is divorced, but he most divorced While he’s posting a photo of a gun, a can of caffeine-free Diet Coke, and a small reprint of George Washington crossing the Delaware River on his nightstand.
Although behavior varies, the aesthetic of most divorcees remains remarkably consistent and is a starter pack of tight, sometimes flashy, clothes and flashy accessories.
The mockery of this look raises an important question: If most divorced men are shunned, why do some men, especially famous ones, dress so eloquently? Why is the Most Divorced Man aesthetic so popular, even when the Most Divorced Man doesn’t have a personality?
What is a man and why he divorced so much?
To be clear, not all divorced men wear certain clothes; It’s that some newly single straight guys dress and accessorize in a way that sexually exposes a violently loveless personality. Usually it involves the skinLots of black, and a snug fit. Add-ons are important such as: aviators, other jewelry like a bracelet or an expensive watch, Cigar And trim like a fancy lighter, and less compliment the gun and cryptocurrencies. It looks like these guys might be asked to shoot something and then start a fire, all in designer t-shirts.
“It’s about this middle-aged guy who’s hitting the club in a certain type of jacket, a certain type of shirt and a certain type of jeans and shoes, and he looks like a guy who’s trying to appeal to a 22-year-old,” said Derek Guy. Guy, its founder To die for, work clothes!X also became a celebrity for his expertise in menswear. “And it’s not like, going to Target, for example. They’re going to a little bit more of a high-end store, but at the same time, they’re buying trends that are maybe 10 to 20 years old, and they’re not keeping up with the trends and how things have moved.”
Guy explains that these fits are even more striking now that actual young men wear oversized or baggier clothes. But his example isn’t too far from previous generations of divorced dudes trying to look younger — or what we used to call the midlife-crisis chick (leather jacket, hair dye and/or a hat, a convertible).
All of these powerful aesthetic choices mean that most divorced men don’t actually get divorced. The key here is a mood, a feeling, a state of being that most of us don’t want. Being able to watch it remotely—from a phone screen, preferably—became a shared relief. The beauty of the most divorced guy archetype is that he is rarely, if ever, in the same room as us but at the same time, omnipresent, like a boogeyman who loves Las Vegas nightlife.
While we probably pull these ideas from what we see in the media of very rich and powerful celebrities like Kasturi, BezosAnd AffleckWith access to stylists and social media managers — Guy encourages us to think about the meaning of fashion and the men who wear these clothes, famous or regular. On one level, a man wearing uber-divorced men’s clothing may be embracing the expression of masculinity. But the people making these judgments have also created a narrative in their heads about what kind of person he is.
Guy worries that it’s spreading to regular guys who want to experiment with their fashion, divorced or not, having a chilling effect. “I’m careful with that word”—divorced man—”because I always want to make it easy for guys to do what I consider a hobby,” Guy said. “And using the word can worry guys [about fashion] And just another obstacle, another fear, in their way of finding something that I think can be very fulfilling.”
Narrative lies in intention and awareness. Guy points out, some people buy Rolex because they want you to think something about them, their power, their wealth, their masculinity; Other boys like watches.
With this in mind, it seems that what unifies the style of divorced men is that they wear their masculinity as a shield. They want you to think they are too manly to hold, which they portray by choosing that everyone knows no woman has ever had hands. But what they couldn’t do, was to reconcile with the husband they lived with’ was now becoming.
Why don’t men wear divorced clothes?
Few people knowingly choose a visually unappealing outfit because they think it’s creepy. It would be cowardly to do so intentionally. There is some disconnect, a gap between what one person thinks is good and what others identify as a deceptive archetype. This disconnect may reflect something deeper.
“One thing I’m really aware of is that there are a lot of resources for divorced women and women going through a divorce. And I don’t think there’s the same support for men,” says Alexandra Solomon, a psychologist specializing in relationships. She explained that because of this support, women have a better idea of what life looks like after divorce, whereas men — billionaires and non-billionaires alike — don’t have the same clarity and support.
“There’s really a lack of community support and conversation about how to help men transition out of marriage in a way that respects the profound change in identity that occurs when you come out of divorce.”
But how does that loss and confusion translate into buying a terrible shirt? Does lack of resources make a man post pictures of beer and guns? Are men just aesthetically violent sleeper agents waiting to be activated, and is this the reason for divorce?
There are countless steps in buying an outfit that reflects a split and split. Solomon explained that what this consists of—or, importantly, fails of—is a psychological term called “Clarity of self-concept“Essentially, this is how people create our own identity and how well we think we know ourselves. Research has shown that when people go through emotional separation, their self-confidence is shattered,” he says.
“We don’t have to laugh at them and we don’t have to feel sorry for them,” Solomon said of men who choose bold fashion after a breakup. “But we can be curious about what they are exhibiting. Recovery? passage? New identity? We’re all generally restless about all these things.”
Ego death and lack of emotional support may be why some men find divorced people attractive. Hypermasculine clothes and other external markers help them self-identify or create an idea of what they feel over who they already are as a single man. The divorced folk aesthetic is, often, the impression of a single man – a caricature of other caricatures, but lacking irony or self-awareness. And maybe it’s all in an attempt to show the world that they’re okay.
It is the sexual implications of these signals that may be disturbing to others. There’s a sense that they belong in an aggressively on-the-prowl bachelor. It’s true that people should dress in a way they find empowering, and leather cuffs are not an unwanted sexual overture. But it’s hard to ignore the physical hope it seems to convey to its wearer.
Because The Most Divorced Man is so attached to the tenets of toxic masculinity—aggression, violence, sexuality, compulsive heterosexuality—what it expresses also feels the same. There’s something desperately insecure about holding on to old masculine norms. Expressing our egos reflects our own changing ideas about how men should behave and present themselves.
“We should always do our investigations ew. our ew It says as much about the other person as it does about us,” Solomon said. “Ours ewThey are always worthy of our investigation.”
That knee-jerk, shuddering reaction is a problem when divorced guys seemingly need all the sympathy they can get. Community, especially among men who have recovered their self-concept after partition and who are still in the process, may be the answer. After all, getting divorced isn’t the worst thing—unless it’s for real.
