If the popular song is to be believed, there’s no place like home for the holidays.
But getting there is going to cost you. Americans plan Spend an average of $2,330 on holiday travel This year, according to NerdWallet’s 2024 Holiday Spending Report. Factor in another $900 on gifts and hundreds more on all the normal living expenses, and you’ve got a hefty credit card bill on Jan. 1, according to the report.
You’d think it would be easy to opt out of unnecessary and expensive vacation trips, but sometimes external pressures and expectations make it hard to say no. At this time of year parents can look forward to spending uninterrupted time with their grown children and grandchildren. If you’re together, it doubles the synergy: the pair may weigh in on who’s hometown trip.
“We, as a culture, put a lot of emphasis on the holidays as the most important time — even though I don’t believe that’s true — that families come together,” says the licensed marriage and family therapist. Nicole Osequeda. “[People] They feel really responsible to meet the needs of their families … and furthermore, not to let them down.”
As much as you want to please the grandparents and get out of town for the holidays, sometimes your budget just doesn’t allow it. If you’re nervous about approaching the discussion with your partner or breaking the news to your family, therapists offer some guidance on what to say and how to compromise.
Set your holiday priorities
Beyond just setting a budget, Osequeda suggests first getting clarity on what an ideal vacation would look like for you. At a time of year when people often make decisions out of obligation, ask yourself what’s really important to you this holiday season. Maybe it’s paying off debt or saving for a big purchase. Everyone’s reasons will be a little different.
By focusing on what’s important to you, you can determine what you can afford. You’ll want to do this this holiday season because it’s not worth going into debt. “If there’s a reality that there are three things you want to do and you can only do two … just closing your eyes and putting things on the credit card is going to create big problems down the line,” says Matt LundquistFounder and Clinical Director of Tribeca Therapy.
“These conversations are better when everyone is willing to put their cards on the table and say, ‘This is what I want, this is why this is important to me.'”
Being clear about what you want when planning with your partner helps you advocate for yourself. You may choose to prioritize some type of travel, but not visit both you and your partner’s family. Again, discuss your vacation goals and let your significant other know how your proposed plans align with those goals. If it’s been a few years since your partner lived at home, you might decide to visit them for Thanksgiving and then invite your family to a New Year’s Eve party.
“These conversations are better when everyone is willing to put their cards on the table and say, ‘This is what I want, this is why it’s important to me,'” Lundquist says, “rather than situations where we’re assuming what the other person wants and navigating the reading between the lines. have to.”
Break the news as soon as possible — and be direct
Many people tend to delay sharing news that could be potentially upsetting, says Lundquist. But don’t hold your family back. As soon as you’ve determined you can’t do it, let your loved one know so they can deal with their frustration or offer a compromise, Lundquist says.
Then, tell your family in a “kind but clear way,” Osequeda says, why you can’t make it — but avoid over-explaining. You owe an explanation to your loved ones, but you do not need to justify your choice, he said. The more justifications you provide, the more “people will start picking holes in your reasoning,” says Osekeda, and may try to convince you to spend beyond your budget.
If you’re unsure how to tell your family, Osequeda advises: “It’s hard for me, but I’ve decided not to come home for the holidays this year because of the cost involved. I understand if you are disappointed. However, right now I really need to focus [staying on top of my bills/not being stressed out over finances/not putting more money on my credit card/getting gifts for the kids]. Is there any way we can still connect over the holidays that doesn’t involve me traveling?
Offering unsolicited criticism about what you do may get some pushback from family members Choose to spend money. (Which is none of their business, anyway.) Remember that you’re making this choice based on your budget and financial needs, Lundquist says, and sometimes you’re going to make decisions that upset others. “I can’t hate myself for not bothering you,” he said, “and I don’t want to organize our relationship on those terms.”
But be open to compromise
Of course, your family completely understands and wants to find a way to see you. It’s worth trying to find a happy medium, says Osequeda. If you have young children and it’s out of the question to throw the whole family across the country, you can ask your parents to move in with you if they’re able. Some families may offer to share travel expenses with you.
Be as creative as you want: meeting somewhere in the middle, planning to visit at a cheaper time of year, promising to save up so you can come next year.
Maybe these big questions are out of the question. You can make a small compromise and suggest that the family FaceTime during dinner or when the kids are opening presents.
If you’ve decided that your vacation won’t be complete without you being home, there are other ways to make it work. For cheap flights, you can consider Going on vacation by himself And back home The week after the holidays. Try to carry your luggage instead of checking bags to save on fees. Driving will usually be cheaper Than fly for short trips, but be sure to factor in extra travel time for holiday traffic. But if you’re traveling across the country, it’s better to spend your time and money on flying. other Ways to reduce the cost of vacation travelAccording to NerdWallet, miles or points must be used for flights and hotels, and rideshares must be booked at the airport and in advance.
No matter where you spend the holidays, whether it’s with local friends or a neighborhood potluck, you should still find time to catch up with the people you love.
“If you’re unable to do it with your family for financial reasons,” says Osekeda, “it doesn’t mean you have to stay at home alone.”
