a lot upset For dating app users everywhere, there is no exact science behind meeting someone and falling in love with them. But what about those who have found someone they want to spend the rest of their lives with? Is there a way to know if it will end? despite hands and feet Regarding falling marriage rates, divorce rates Read along. Are millennials less likely to end their marriage than previous generations? That’s the question on a recent episode of listener Siobhan explain meVox’s Call-In Podcast.
Siobhan is very much in love, and of late, she and her boyfriend are having serious conversations about taking the big step and getting engaged. “I think my partner is the best person in the world,” she said. “As far as I’m concerned, there’s no better man.” I could feel the love he had for her through the computer screen when I talked to him.
At the same time, her parents’ divorce and the divorce of people older than her make her wonder how such loving relationships can change. “Purely based on personal experience, a lot of people in my parents’ generation got divorced,” he said. “Is the Millennial Generation Less Likely to Divorce Than Our Parents?”
For an answer, I turned to Stephanie Koontz, marriage historian and author of many books, including Marriage, a history. Because Kuntz is an expert on marriage, he’s also an expert on divorce.
Koontz and I discussed how the institution of marriage has changed over the years, if younger people are married longer than their older counterparts, and the role marriage plays (and doesn’t) in happiness.
Below is a portion of our conversation, edited for length and clarity.
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Has the way you think about marriage changed over the years, either through your own experience or through study?
Well yes, it has changed quite a bit. When I was a kid — growing up in the 50s and early 60s — I thought marriage was great. I used to practice writing my first name with a boy’s last name in high school.
And then I went to college and I learned about the history of marriage, and my own mother was divorced. So I went through a period of never thinking I would get married, and that marriage was a very oppressive institution, not the protective one we were told. But when I went back and looked at the way it was conducted in the past I started to think that no, marriage is an institution that could work in a very different way.
If you go back to where marriage was first invented and why it was first invented, thousands of years of history, it doesn’t seem as oppressive as patriarchy, because marriage Originally invented to get in-laws. And by in-laws, I mean a really much broader sense of connection. Marriage establishes mutual obligations.
Let’s talk about Siobhan’s question: Are millennials less likely to get divorced than previous generations?
Oh yes. Divorce rates are down For the last 20, 25 years, so your chances of divorce are less than your parents. The baby boom generation had the highest divorce rate, and that divorce rate has come down quite a bit.
What we found is that people’s standards for marriage have increased since the 80s and 90s. We expect more marriages than in the past and we expect more equality. We come together, we fall in love and we have to learn to appreciate each other more than in the past. A marriage, when it works, is more fulfilling and secure than in the past and more inspiring to people.
But when it doesn’t work, it’s less satisfying because we have higher standards and we have more options. People today have very high standards for how financially and emotionally prepared you should be for marriage. That means your chances of divorce are low.
How do we know that millennials are getting married and getting divorced less?
The Census Bureau tracks the number of marriages and divorces each year. Marriage rate has decreased. Now, that may be exaggerated as the age of marriage is increasing. The marriage rate is calculated based on how many women marry each year.
In 1960, when the average woman was married before turning 21, your marriage rate would be very high. Now that the average age of marriage is around 30, the question is how many will marry as they get older? This is another huge change we found.
In the 1950s, if you weren’t married by age 25, your chances of getting married dropped rapidly. But nowadays people are getting married at an older age than before. If you’re not married by age 30 or 35, it not only means you can’t actually get married, but it also means your risk of divorce is decreasing.
There are various things that predict a successful marriage. Now women come to marriage with more maturity, and if they encounter a man who is too oppressive or too authoritarian, they will leave. On the other hand, if they have known this man for a long time, he is a good choice for marriage, he is committed to an egalitarian and loving relationship, and they have resources so they know they can support themselves. Outside of marriage – which actually protects marriage in a way that was not the case in the past.
Do people ask you a lot about divorce?
yes I get it, because a lot of people in America think it’s just a disaster, people aren’t getting married or they’re delaying getting married. So I get asked a lot of questions: “Well, wouldn’t the world be a better place if everyone got married? Marriage is not the path to happiness and economic success? Is divorce not a disaster?” And I can tell you that the answer to all these questions is no. Marriage is not going to make your life perfect or happy or make you financially successful. Many of these things are predictions; they are not results.
I’m in a good marriage. It’s a great addition to my life, but it’s not going to bring me happiness if I wasn’t already able to contribute my share of happiness to the relationship. People in unhappy marriages are much less happy than those who are single. And when we look at divorced people, yes, those who divorce from good marriages are unhappy. But those who get into bad marriages and get divorced are usually at least as happy as they were at the beginning of their marriage, and certainly happier than they were at the end.
